As you get older, you’re supposed to get more mature. You’re supposed to no longer find such petty toilet humour to be hilarious anymore. At least that was the impression of “growing up” that we were given as children, that we assumed all of those 80s anti-authority rock anthems were about. But they were wrong. You never get more mature.
In fact, it pretty much gets worse, the more you learn. At curling tonight (yes, I curl – perhaps there will be a post explaining to those who have no idea what the fuck curling is) my cousin and I spent most of our non-playing time talking about gastrointestinal excrement in all worldly forms of matter (including in combination with other things, i.e. santorum). These conversations were going on when my parents were at either or both ends of the sheet (again, I’ll explain later) and we were standing closer to one end or the other. When you’re a child or a teenager, at least you think that it’s inappropriate to have these conversations around your parents because you want to rebel without them knowing how much you giggle at the thought of fecal matter so they won’t take steps to discipline you for being gross. But as an adult, you have come to understand that parents are people, and not all of them are prudes.
In fact, you start to include them in on the poop jokes. Dropping me off after the game, my mother commented that they hadn’t heard from the furniture store regarding the arrival of something ordered as part of my Giftmas present. I needed some seating to accompany my bar table that also matched the colour of my kitchen walls. So when she said “We haven’t heard anything about your red stools yet”, my cousin and I in the back seat laughed. Shit references get even funnier as you get older because you learn more terms for it that are intended to describe it tactfully in scientific or medical settings. But it’s still poo. People around the age of my parents know that especially because of the plethora of medical testing they’re subject to as quinquagenarians and beyond. They have to laugh about it, to make it tolerable, especially to ease their minds of any intestinal problems that are colouring their stools red. That symptom can rarely be attributed to something as harmless as the colour of their kitchen.