2013: Self-Centred Edition

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Forget the overthrow of governments and the passings of some of the most influential world leaders of the 20th century – what about the milestones and transformations in MY life that happened this year?

1) I now run sometimes. This started some time in April to balance the renewal of alcohol consumption in my life with something healthier, and I’ve managed to continue it, more or less, to this very very VERY cold day. It’s the healthiest way I’ve been able to turn my self-hatred against itself and I plan on continuing for as long as my feet work. (How long that would be is always up in the air.)

2) I have another dress. It’s a bridesmaid’s dress, but I’ve already worn it a second time (less than a week after the wedding no less) so it’s not as much of a waste as other special occasion dresses. It’s hard to find opportunities to wear it, though, when the fanciest thing I do is drink by myself in my own apartment in the middle of the afternoon.

3) I’ve now been to Ottawa and Montreal. I feel like one of the last people I know to have gone to those places. The first one thoroughly reinforced my jaded attitude towards the façade of colonial nationalism. The second one got me good and drunk the French Canadian way.

4) My hair colour changed – or rather, reverted back to more or less its natural colour. Its natural colour would be if I bleached every 8th strand to pure whiteness, but I did enough damage to it to keep it blonde for the first eight months of this year so I think I’ll stick to darkness for a while. That I went blonde to begin with was one of the marvel achievements of 2012, along with sitting on a plane for the first time in four years and drinking enough to swear it off for months.

5) I got a new job. This has greatly improved my quality of life, though far from perfection it remains. I have far more time, make more money, and no longer want to walk into traffic.

6) Although the rest of these more or less go chronologically, and in that order this should go at the beginning, I’m saving it for the end. I lost my 20s. I don’t know where they went. Bits and pieces are scattered everywhere. Half of it was sold off at the end of 2012. Some of it is scattered throughout Europe and the American South. A bit of it is also lost on an island off the West Coast. Some of it is across the street from me, but I can’t go back to collect it. Other parts are short walks away but I’d rather never go those places again. A few years of it I get to keep at home with me. Some of it is trapped in limbo where places now torn down used to be. But a bit of it, just a little bit of it that was intentionally the soberest part, gets to be frozen in the history of 2013. I’m actually largely okay with that. My 30s are the ages I was looking forward to for all of my 20s. So far they’re only mildly disappointing. It turns out I still feel like a child who’s been able to fool people into thinking I’m an adult. It’s just more convincing now without a 2 in my age.

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