There’s a commercial that I see when streaming videos online (the price to pay for legal entertainment) for a Philips grooming device. A ruggedly bearded man goes through the grooming process and with each new facial hair style he escalates on his own evaluation of his attractiveness:
Never mind that he’s not actually very attractive with that moustache; beauty is, after all, in the eye of the beholder, and if he’s the man he wants to attract, it only matters if he’d fuck him.
That is more or less a process I go through many mornings. Some mornings, like, say, a Monday, I will accept the limitations of a bad hair day, or restrict makeup to foundation and mascara. Some weekends, when I don’t plan on going anywhere or looking in the mirror much. I won’t put makeup on at all. When I will be doing a lot of physical labour I don’t worry about my hair style, because the more effort I put into it the more injustice I will feel when sweat and humidity erodes any meaning it should’ve had.
Outside of those conditions, I aim for a look that makes me sexually attractive to myself. I’m heterosexual, but I am even more so a narcissist. I think everyone else should be, too, when it comes to putting themselves together to present to the world.
This is with the prerequisite of self-respect, in the sense of owning your own sexuality and loving yourself to a certain degree. Nobody should have to be scantily clad to look good. In a work environment, or just in the public where there’s no intention to pursue a mate, you should be impressed with your own sense of style to a degree of admiration. This doesn’t have to be sexual, if that’s not what makes you feel good in your own skin. You can dress yourself to look like a leader you would follow, a person you would hire to do the job you aspire to have, or a stranger you’d strike up conversation with in hopes of becoming a friend.
The important step is to drop any insecurities that may be instilled in you, walls that would prevent you from ever admitting any form of self-love. The man in that commercial is making huge leaps to break one of the shackles of masculinity – that a man can see something sexual in another man, without being any less manly himself. (This is making an assumption that the man in the commercial is heterosexual and looking to impress women; nonetheless, the target audience seems to be broader and the character shows an overall level of masculinity that meets the level of acceptability in heteronormative masculine behaviour.)
Desired partners for sexual activity ≠ people in whom you can see sex appeal. Worry not about what you are led to believe the gender(s) of your sexual desire would find attractive enough to start a sexual relationship. There needn’t be skimpy clothes worn, nor heels or nightclub levels of makeup painted on. Just look at your face, and find the beauty and confidence – enough that you don’t need anyone else to think the same.